The Brand

TAp-TAp. The sound of metal on metal. The tines of the fork scrape against the baking pan. All is silent for a moment. Then-- it is time. The sugar coated fork is lowered, and pressed deep into the flesh of the cookie, branding it with deep ridges. Then again, the fork is lowered and pushed crosswise against the skin. A silent murmur is whispered in the crowd. What is this, you ask? Some primeval torture ceremony? No, it is the INITIATION. The time when every young raw peanut butter cookie becomes an adult, ready for the rough and tumble of the heat of the oven. The peanut butter cookies are known for their primitive traditions. They are also known for inbreeding, as they often marry their cousins. No one knows where these rituals originated, but some regard them as cruel practices.

Some people tend to eat their peanut butter cookies untouched by the fork. They think that they are saving the cookie from pain and torment, when, in actuality, they are simply worsening the situation. You see, the branding is a sort of bond between cookies. When the branded encounter the untouched, a dreadful sort of thing happens. Its called cannibalism. Have you ever noticed that your cookie supply (any type of cookie; unfortunately, this practice is common) runs out very very very fast? They've been eating themselves. It's quite the only rational reason. If its not true... That means there are quite a few gluttons around these parts. Gluttons that congregate around cookies. Whatever, man. I don't buy that.

Peanut Butter Cookies use the brand as their trademark. Without the crosshatching, all you have is a common brown cookie. The brand is a part of the peanut butter cookie identity. Here's what one cookie had to say about the ceremony, right before he was shoved in the oven:

"It was the most exhilirating thing. I'd been looking forward to coming of age ever since I was rolled in sugar. As the fork pressed into me... it was very very painful. I felt my nonexistent spine cracking. But now I am an adult cookie! That was a make me or break me time and I made it! Congratulate me! Now, I am a real peanut butter cookie. Bring on the heat!"

The initiation ceremony is the most important part of a peanut butter cookie's life. It teaches endurance, discipline, strenght, and compassion to a raw cookie. Its more than just a fancy baking thing. Its a way of life.