Thursday, April 30, 2009

The Schism

A History of the Outrageous Chocolate Chip Cookie Schism
For some reason, cookies seem to be a tad testy these days. I made some of these Outrageous Chocolate Chip Cookies, which are just chocolate chip cookies with peanut butter and oatmeal. I rolled half of the dough into balls ready to be placed on the baking sheet. I left the other half unrolled. I went away for a little while, and when I returned, it was pandemonium.
The dough had segregated itself. The rolled dough was piled all on one side of the dough and the other dough was just sitting there. Both sides had the frown, glares, and surliness down, and the angry eyebrows to boot. Outrageous. They were absolutely refusing to associate with each other, despite the fact that they came from the same ingredients. I tried to be a mediator, but they would not listen. Rolled dough boasted of their obvious superiority. Their figure was classy and sophisticated. "Spheres are the most amazing of all 3D shapes," they said. They were cultured. They were educated. They were round. They were pro-active. They were ready for business. "oho-ho-ho," replied the unrolled dough, in unison. "That means nothing. We here on our side are in harmony. We are all one and the same; no differences between us. We are a community. We are ready to support one another." Here one of the rolled balls of dough tried to fling himself at the blob of dough and tried to attack, but his cronies restrained him. They only said, "Support? Ha! We know support! We can form our corp into a pyramid and then back down. HA!" The unrolled dough group only deepened their frowns. They tried to turn their back to the balls, but to no avail. They were too sticky. The balls were so compact, however, that they were successfully able to turn their backs to the plosh of unrolled dough. The unrolled dough sent out agents to steal the chocolate chips of the other side. The balls of dough would occasionally moon the other side, leading to shrieks of indignation. I think it would have escalated to all-out war. But I had to stop it before something drastic happened. So I baked the cookies, and then helped to eat them. And that was the end of that.

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