Can you see the Indian in the photograph? He rides on a horse that leaps into the air, the feather of his headress flying in the wind. He is one of the most elusive persons in the West. He is Chief GreySwirl, not to be confused with GreySquirrel, and is chief of the tribe Tumgo. Chief GreySwirl is a firm believer in the culinary arts and has formulated a strict regime for his people. The women cook their culture-rich food in large pots during the day, while the men go out hunting for fresh meat or, more often, for recipes. Sometimes they steal these recipes from neighboring tribes, which really gets their fellow Natives up at arms. There have been some close calls, where some of the Tumgos have not been so stealthy and have almost been caught. The victim tribe runs out with knives or spoons, to chase after those tricky Tumgos. But the Tumgos usually always manage to escape, cookbook, index card, or printout in hand. One time they were not so lucky. Chief GreySwirl sent out RedDirt, a young thief trainee, to nab a Betty Crocker Cookbook just outside a teepee. But RedDirt was not so swift, and just as he grabbed the corner of the book, an enraged and possessive squaw rushed at him, knocking him over. She punched his eye out, leading to serious cornea problems, and causing RedDirt to cry. But he quickly manned up and ripped out a few pages of the cookbook, making a hurried getaway. The squaw brought her complaints, as well as her damaged cookbook, to her chief, and he declared war on the Tumgos. When Chief GreySwirl heard this, he was not bothered in the least. For the Tumgos worship a series of culinary gods and goddesses, deities he was sure would not fail them. Their deities are based after foods and ingredients, the sort of stuff you might find in the kitchen on a busy baking day, with lots of different recipes in progress (which is every day for the Tumgos!). One such of these, a very important and superior goddess, is Queen Kustardania. She
is a fancy goddess, because she is a mixture of eggnog, egg, and rum. The Tumgos revere her because of the eggnog component, and you can only get eggnog at one time of year, making it a very special ingredient. The rum part is respected too. Anyways, the Tumgos seriously worship Queen Kustardania. They all know that she would never let them down. So Chief GreySwirl was not worried. He knew that with due sacrifices and ample war chants, this war would be a Tumgo victory. The women of the tribe prepared the best foods for Queen Kustardania, cakes, pies, pastries, soups, meats, salads, casseroles, souffles, pancakes, etc. etc. They set them down before a custard pie, meant to represent the queen, and then burned the foods, and ate the charred remains. The next day, the war began. It was a tough fight, with much stabbing of forks, thwacking of spoons, bashing of cookbooks over heads, and throwing of bowls. Finally, the resounding clash of cookie sheets echoed in the distance, signalling an end to the battle. Many of the Indians ended up wounded, and a few died. It was a somber time for both tribes. When the two tribes finally counted up their tally of unscathed survivors, the Tumgos had more and therefore really had succeeded. It was a joyous occasion. The opposing tribe slunk home with heads hung low, and the Tumgos pranced to their home with pockets full of recipe cards. Chief GreySwirl was adorned with a new feather, and Queen Kustardania was celebrated for days on end. The Tumgos were free to plunder recipes again and they were free to follow under Chief GreySwirl's impressive leadership and his culinary lifestyle until death. And so Chief GreySwirl and his tribe of the Tumgos continue to inspire us today, with their valiant cookery and all its pursuits.
Can you see the Indian in the photograph? He rides on a horse that leaps into the air, the feather of his headress flying in the wind. He is one of the most elusive persons in the West. He is Chief GreySwirl, not to be confused with GreySquirrel, and is chief of the tribe Tumgo. Chief GreySwirl is a firm believer in the culinary arts and has formulated a strict regime for his people. The women cook their culture-rich food in large pots during the day, while the men go out hunting for fresh meat or, more often, for recipes. Sometimes they steal these recipes from neighboring tribes, which really gets their fellow Natives up at arms. There have been some close calls, where some of the Tumgos have not been so stealthy and have almost been caught. The victim tribe runs out with knives or spoons, to chase after those tricky Tumgos. But the Tumgos usually always manage to escape, cookbook, index card, or printout in hand. One time they were not so lucky. Chief GreySwirl sent out RedDirt, a young thief trainee, to nab a Betty Crocker Cookbook just outside a teepee. But RedDirt was not so swift, and just as he grabbed the corner of the book, an enraged and possessive squaw rushed at him, knocking him over. She punched his eye out, leading to serious cornea problems, and causing RedDirt to cry. But he quickly manned up and ripped out a few pages of the cookbook, making a hurried getaway. The squaw brought her complaints, as well as her damaged cookbook, to her chief, and he declared war on the Tumgos. When Chief GreySwirl heard this, he was not bothered in the least. For the Tumgos worship a series of culinary gods and goddesses, deities he was sure would not fail them. Their deities are based after foods and ingredients, the sort of stuff you might find in the kitchen on a busy baking day, with lots of different recipes in progress (which is every day for the Tumgos!). One such of these, a very important and superior goddess, is Queen Kustardania. She
is a fancy goddess, because she is a mixture of eggnog, egg, and rum. The Tumgos revere her because of the eggnog component, and you can only get eggnog at one time of year, making it a very special ingredient. The rum part is respected too. Anyways, the Tumgos seriously worship Queen Kustardania. They all know that she would never let them down. So Chief GreySwirl was not worried. He knew that with due sacrifices and ample war chants, this war would be a Tumgo victory. The women of the tribe prepared the best foods for Queen Kustardania, cakes, pies, pastries, soups, meats, salads, casseroles, souffles, pancakes, etc. etc. They set them down before a custard pie, meant to represent the queen, and then burned the foods, and ate the charred remains. The next day, the war began. It was a tough fight, with much stabbing of forks, thwacking of spoons, bashing of cookbooks over heads, and throwing of bowls. Finally, the resounding clash of cookie sheets echoed in the distance, signalling an end to the battle. Many of the Indians ended up wounded, and a few died. It was a somber time for both tribes. When the two tribes finally counted up their tally of unscathed survivors, the Tumgos had more and therefore really had succeeded. It was a joyous occasion. The opposing tribe slunk home with heads hung low, and the Tumgos pranced to their home with pockets full of recipe cards. Chief GreySwirl was adorned with a new feather, and Queen Kustardania was celebrated for days on end. The Tumgos were free to plunder recipes again and they were free to follow under Chief GreySwirl's impressive leadership and his culinary lifestyle until death. And so Chief GreySwirl and his tribe of the Tumgos continue to inspire us today, with their valiant cookery and all its pursuits.
1 comment:
What valor! What inspiration!
LONG LIVE GREYSWIRL!
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